APPEAL

[This was in the Romney Marsh Herald last week and in my opinion should win a prize of some kind xD Probably won't make sense to any non-British people, though.]

"An earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit Folkestone on Saturday. It decimated the area, causing between £25 and £35 worth of damage.
Three areas of historic burnt-out cars were disturbed and many locals were woken before their Giros arrived!
Residents were reported to be "confused and bewildered" by something interesting happening in the town.
Tracy Sharon Smith (15) said, "My daughter Mercedes-Chardonnay came running into my bedroom crying. The two youngest, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm, slept through, I was still shaking the next morning when I was watching Trisha."
Looting, mugging and car crime were unaffected and able to continue as normal.
Workers sifting through the rubble have recovered benefit books, Argos jewellery and china ornaments from Poundland.

HOW YOU CAN HELP

Clothes such as Fila, Burberry or Kappa, any shell suits or baseball caps are needed.
Essentials such as microwave meals, baked beans, Tesco Value noodles and six-packs of Special Brew will be appreciated.
Remember, £2 will buy chips and a blue fizzy drink for a child.
£6 will buy 20 Benson & Hedges and a lighter for them to share.

PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY."